I Lost My Path

A couple of days ago I was in a terrible condition, I lost my path. I didn't know what should I do, I didn't know what God wanted me to do, should I go with gap year, or college? I was debating whether should I major in fashion design, but there were this and that, finally I came up with a decision of taking gap year. However, the whole covid-19 situation is very confusing.  All of my plans for the gap year couldn't be fulfilled because of this issue. I was so afraid, I was so lost, I felt untalented. I know that it is super normal to feel this way, to feel lost. It is okay to be in this state, but being in this state will never let us sleeping at ease. Even adults can feel lost too, right?

I shared this with my friend, she told me

"Ec jangan takut, di alkitab tuh ada tentang fear, kalo lu takut, namanya lu gapercaya, dan yang ada nanti fear itu malah terjadi. Kalo udah berlebihan takut itu bisa jadi dosa loh, padahal harusnya kita percaya sama Tuhan."

This reminded me a lot that I should trust God, but then to be realistic we still need a back up plan, right?

I came to another friend, and He opened my eyes a lot, the 12 a.m conversation made me teared up and gathered my senses back. he told me 

"It's okay to feel lost, its okay to doubt yourself."

"Fokus ke yang lu bisa kontrol, yang lu gabisa ya serahin aja ke Tuhan, Dia ga bakal tinggalin lu, trust Him, Surrender all to Him, remember He loves us."

"Jangan fokus ke yang negatif, think about what could go right instead of what could go wrong, whatever decision you make, trust Him that it is the way He provided, karena you will never know what happen if you choose the other decision."

"We're safe in God's hands, worst scenario bisa jadi musibah atau opportunity, tergantung lu liatnya gimana, doubt is normal."

"Instead of thinking about choosing the right decision, think about what you can do to make the most out of your decision."

These people have made me to come to an understanding, I have to surrender and give my all to Him. To see the positive instead of negative. I mean, this feeling and state come and go, right? I think this will be my reminder everytime I feel lost. To whoever reading this and having this kind of feeling, you can go through this okay? Take sometime alone, and get yourself back up, don't forget to surrender and come to Jesus. Remember, you are not alone. Hwaiting!

*a playlist for you : Berkat KemurahanMu - NDC, Grow up - Stray Kids